My head was sore. I tried to lift it from the pillow; I tried aimlessly to pull my
tongue from the roof of my mouth while feeling the back of my head for blood. I
looked at my hand through blurred vision
No blood. My head. I was sure I had hit it.
I sat up. The clock read 5:30. I looked at the bedside locker.
No drink.
Had I not had enough all day yesterday?
I began to chew, lips sealed, trying to create enough saliva to bring my mouth back
to life.
Oh, my head.
Inside, it was orchestrating rumbling thunder. My stomach joined in, and it wasn’t
from hunger. The last thing I needed was food. I ran to the bathroom.
Was this how she had felt when she was pregnant?
I slumped to the bathroom floor.
I really did it, didn’t I?
Why?
Everything was so much better when I stayed on the sidelines. I just had to go and
step onto the playing field. And there she was, centre field, ready to play ball with
my feelings again.
If I went back to sleep, I’d be fine. I’d only been in bed for an hour.
Back to sleep, I told myself.
I reached for my phone. There it was. The voice message I sent. I put the phone to
my ear.
Don’t! Delete.
OH NO!
The blue ticks were waving at me. Even if I deleted it now, it wouldn’t erase the
message from her memory. I deleted it anyway.
Now, she couldn’t show anyone. It would just be hearsay.

Sleep!
Then I began writing a novel about it in my head.
I’ll say she was just jealous because she let me go.
Sleep!
I looked at the screen. Three dots dancing. Oh, holy moly. Ignore it.
Sleep!
I looked again.
They had disappeared.
Delete her number. You couldn’t have sent the message. You don’t have her
number. You can prove it. Offer them the phone.
Why would you have her number? She was Triona’s friend, not yours.
Now Sleep!
Triona’s friend. Oh God!
I threw the phone across the carpeted floor and buried my head under the duvet.
Sleep! I command.

Chapter One: Why did I do it?
I did nothing. But I did. And not just that thing. I did the other. I always swore I’d
never get married and I’d never cheat, and now… I didn’t. I did nothing wrong.
She came to me.
Forget it. Sleep!

Chapter Two: Her.
She never showed an interest in me before. When we were teenagers, she wouldn’t
come to the Debs with me. She'd already been asked by Matthew. Then she
showed up with Lisa. I asked her again in our twenties. I still hear her voice.
“Steven, you’re hilarious. Ask Triona?”  
Sleep!

Chapter Three: Triona.
I had asked Triona. I dated Triona. Her best friend. I got Triona pregnant. We had
a baby. I married Triona… yesterday!
Sleep! 
My stomach churned.

Chapter Four: She’s awake.
“Good morning, darling. What a lovely day yesterday was…"
She coughed.
"… and Amy let me listen to your message.”
Sleep! 
Pretend, now!

Chapter Five: The End
“It was so nice of you to tell her how much you loved…”
She coughed again.
“… me.
 She paused.
“She’s next. You are not drinking at her wedding," she laughed.
" I’m so happy she’s marrying Lisa.”
Sleep!
Never.

Chapter Six: Lisa?
Lisa? 
Did I cheat? 
Did she come on to me? 
The phone message? 
Was I dreaming?

Drink at her wedding… I was never going to drink again!